bias and misperception...
“They made a clear choice.” my friend said emphatically. She was referring to a person that we both knew who experienced attraction to the same sex.
We, as believers, have often drawn a thick, deep line in the sand surrounding the idea of how someone develops their same sex desires. This adamant line has always confused me.
I’ve come to regard this in myself as an area where I’ve held biases or misperceptions. It’s been a challenge to be honest about those- but it’s been an awesome process I would recommend.
As the Lord was growing me in the area of loving people well regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, you can read this history here, it would boggle me that many discussions I had with adult Christians always came down to this issue.
I would always, that is 100% of the time, respond with this question, “I’m not sure why that matters, can you explain the importance of asserting this so strongly?”
You see, I work full time at a Christian summer camp that reaches out to primarily urban, low income, single parent homes. I have the incredible opportunity of sitting with a lot of teens through the course of a summer and listening to the pain in their lives. Many of these teens express questions about their gender or sexuality. To the teen in front of me with the questions, their questions swirl around: fear of exposure, parent and peer rejection and mocking, being bullied, and what Jesus thinks of them.
They are scared.
They are depressed.
Many are angry.
They are not talking about genetics.
Most assume they were “born this way” because they have not made a cognitive choice in their sexual desires or their gender.
My thoughts as I’m entering this conversation with them revolve around a couple desires:
I want them to clearly hear from me that Jesus created them, Jesus loves them incredibly, and Jesus wants a real relationship with them.
I want them to begin to clearly hear God’s design for marriage and sexuality, and how it is good, loving, and life giving for us.
And I want them to know that I’d love to walk alongside them as they explore how their faith gets worked out in the midst of their attractions.
Even the adults I’ve had the privilege of sharing stories with rarely relate a time when they “decided” to be attracted to their same gender. They just “always remember” these attractions.
So back to the line in the sand.
As none of us definitely knows what causes someone to be attracted to the same sex, to me it seems wisest to spend our time on the things that we do know with certainty.
I know for certain that the person in front of me was lovingly created in God’s image and deserves respect and value.
I know for certain that God sees and loves this person I’m sitting with, and sees all of their struggle.
I also know for certain that His plan for marriage and sexual expression is the best plan- intended for my best life, for incredible flourishing.
Those are great places for me to start the discussion.
Examining my biases with honest questions and curiosity. Absolutely holding onto what is absolutely true and allowing for space in the rest.
I mentioned in my last post that we would all do well to position ourselves in proximity to some teens and young adults. To be a safe person available to have a soda with and to chat with.
We would do well to come with questions and humility, and hold off on the battle lines in the sand.